humour

Blue Drinks

When I was a kid the town I grew up in, Westmount, which was nestled in the heart of greater Montreal, was dry. Dry, white and English. The perfect cocktail to breed future drinkers. (Me). To get liquor, a near daily excursion in my household, you had to cross over into the next town, which […]

Branded: Housewife!

When we arrived at our new desert home, the powers that be wanted to know who I was before I was issued a residence visa, even though I was merely a secondary concern since it was my husband’s job at a university which had brought us to the other side of the world in the […]

Take Me To Your Lazy Leader.

Recently it was my 55th birthday and amazingly I managed not to cry, sulk, pout, brood, whine, or have a full-blown temper tantrum even though forces around me still insisted we celebrate. I can’t say I comported myself with the same restraint during the parties of my youth. Every single birthday was a complete nightmare, […]

Lies, Lies and more Lies. Will it ever stop? Let’s Hope Not.

It is not unusual to hear actors recount the moment on stage when they first made some-one laugh or cry and that was it, they were hooked, and from that day forward they knew exactly their purpose in life. I had a moment like that too, except, it was the first time I told a […]

My Tucking Days

I’m about to move to Abu Dhabi because my husband, Charles, has landed a great new gig teaching creative non-fiction at NYUAD. I’m not worried about the move or the new job in particular. What has me up at night and utterly intimidated is that I’m going to have to decorate our new place…from scratch. […]

Cooking In Other People’s Kitchens

There I was, newly arrived in Australia, standing in my friend Chris’ kitchen at 3 o’clock in the morning, spinning in slow circles, every nerve quivering, my ear cocked trying desperately to figure out which of his uber-sleek modern appliances was ceaselessly pinging at that ungodly hour. Ahhh, other people’s kitchen. Usually, I’m a good […]

Wanna Be A God? Shave Your Legs

I shave my legs every day, and I’m not even hairy, but no matter where I am, who I’m with, near water or not, ill, hung-over, harried or alone I will not let a day pass without drawing a razor up my shins. And because of this, I might very well be thought of as […]

Here’s To My Health, Or Not

I was a sickly child. Not the heart wrenching kind lying in bed with an ethereal faraway look in my eyes. Nor was I like Tiny Tim filling my family with wonder at my courage and pluck. I was the gross kind. Snotty, scratchy, wheezy, whiney. I was born with a raft of allergies and […]

Small Luck

As luck would have it, a couple of Sundays ago I was alone at our—I hesitate to call it our Canadian country place, yes it’s in the country but the place is a trailer and it’s not even a double-wide, though I’m not snobby, after all, it protects us from the elements and it is […]

Old Age? This Is How You Beat It? Say It Ain’t so.

It’s looming. Old age. And I’m obsessing. Stupidly. And preparing. Poorly. So far all I’ve got when I envision that thing that’s going to happen to me in about thirty years is a vague plan to kill myself. I’ll get death before death gets me sort of thing. You would think having this fail-safe would […]